Who's Up First? - A Parody

Tuesday, March 02 2004 @ 08:42 PM EST

Contributed by: PJ

Groklaw reader Nick has done a parody of Abbott and Costello's Who's on First ( http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml )with a slant on who's going to be sued first. Several others have done other parodies as comments under the prior story, but this one was too long as a comment and I didn't want you to miss it. We might as well enjoy a good laugh. Enjoy.

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Who's Up First?


Reporter: I hear you’re gonna sue somebody. Who’re you gonna sue?

SCO: Well, let's see, we have on the list to sue, Who's up first, What's up second, I Don't Know is up third...

Reporter: That's what I want to find out.

SCO: I say Who’s up first, What's up second, I Don't Know's up third.

Reporter: Are you the CEO?

SCO: Yes.

Reporter: You gonna be the spokesperson too?

SCO: Yes.

Reporter: And you don't know the company’s names?

SCO: Well I should.

Reporter: Well then who’s up first?

SCO: Yes.

Reporter: I mean the company’s name.

SCO: Who.

Reporter: The company up first.

SCO: Who.

Reporter: The first company.

SCO: Who.

Reporter: The company paying...

SCO: Who is up first!

Reporter: I'm asking YOU who’s up first.

SCO: That's the company’s name.

Reporter: That's who's name?

SCO: Yes.

Reporter: Well go ahead and tell me.

SCO: That's it.

Reporter: That's who?

SCO: Yes.

PAUSE

Reporter: Look, you gotta first company?

SCO: Certainly.

Reporter: Who's paying first?

SCO: That's right.

Reporter: When you get paid by the first company every month, who gives the money?

SCO: Every dollar of it.

Reporter: All I'm trying to find out is the company’s name up first.

SCO: Who.

Reporter: The guy that gets...

SCO: That's it.

Reporter: Who pays the money...

SCO: He does, every dollar. Sometimes the CEO’s wife comes down and pays it.

Reporter: Who's wife?

SCO: Yes.

PAUSE

SCO: What's wrong with that?

Reporter: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first company, how do they sign the name?

SCO: Who.

Reporter: The CEO.

SCO: Who.

Reporter: How does he sign...

SCO: That's how he signs it.

Reporter: Who?

SCO: Yes.

PAUSE

Reporter: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name up first.

SCO: No. What is up second.

Reporter: I'm not asking you who's up second.

SCO: Who’s up first.

Reporter: One company at a time!

SCO: Well, don't change the names around.

Reporter: I'm not changing nobody!

SCO: Take it easy, buddy.

Reporter: I'm only asking you, who's the company up first?

SCO: That's right.

Reporter: Ok.

SCO: All right.

PAUSE

Reporter: What's the company’s name up first?

SCO: No. What is up second.

Reporter: I'm not asking you who's up second.

SCO: Who’s up first.

Reporter: I don't know.

SCO: He's up third, we're not talking about them.

Reporter: Now how did I get on third?

SCO: Why you mentioned the name.

Reporter: If I mentioned the third company’s name, who did I say is paying third?

SCO: No. Who's paying first.

Reporter: What's up next?

SCO: What's up second.

Reporter: I don't know.

SCO: He's up third.

Reporter: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Reporter: Would you just stay on the third company and don't go off it.

SCO: All right, what do you want to know?

Reporter: Now who's paying third?

SCO: Why do you insist on putting Who up third?

Reporter: What am I putting up third.

SCO: No. What is up second.

Reporter: You don't want who up second?

SCO: Who is up first.

Reporter: I don't know.

SCO & Reporter Together:Third company!

PAUSE

Reporter: Look, you gotta fourth company to sue?

SCO: Sure.

Reporter: The fourth company’s name?

SCO: Why.

Reporter: I just thought I'd ask you.

SCO: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Reporter: Then tell me who's paying fourth.

SCO: Who's paying first.

Reporter: I'm not... stay out of that! I want to know what's the guy's name in fourth?

SCO: No, What is up second.

Reporter: I'm not asking you who's up second.

SCO: Who’s up first!

Reporter: I don't know.

SCO & Reporter Together: Third company!

PAUSE

Reporter: The fourth company’s name?

SCO: Why.

Reporter: Because!

SCO: Oh, he's fifth.

PAUSE

Reporter: Look, You gotta sixth name?

SCO: Sure.

Reporter: The company’s name?

SCO: Tomorrow.

Reporter: You don't want to tell me today?

SCO: I'm telling you now.

Reporter: Then go ahead.

SCO: Tomorrow!

Reporter: What time?

SCO: What time what?

Reporter: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's sixth?

SCO: Now listen. Who is not sixth.

Reporter: I'll break your arm, you say who’s up first! I want to know what's the sixth company’s name?

SCO: What's up second.

Reporter: I don't know.

SCO & Reporter Together: Third company!

PAUSE

Reporter: Gotta a seventh?

SCO: Certainly.

Reporter: The seventh’s name?

SCO: Today.

Reporter: Today, and tomorrow's sixth.

SCO: Now you've got it.

Reporter: All we got is a couple of days on the list.

PAUSE

Reporter: You know I'm an investor too.

SCO: So they tell me.

Reporter: I get with my broker to do some fancy investing, he gives me some advice about a heavy hitting company. Now the heavy hitting company uses Linux. When he uses Linux, me, being a good investor, I’m going to make sure this company isn’t going to get sued. So I pick up the phone and ask this company if they are the first company being sued, and they say Yes. So I’m talking to who?

SCO: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Reporter: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

SCO: That's all you have to do.

Reporter: Is to make sure this is the first company.

SCO: Yes!

Reporter: Now who's got it?

SCO: Naturally.

PAUSE

Reporter: Look, if I’m talking to the first company, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

SCO: Naturally.

Reporter: Who?

SCO: Naturally.

Reporter: Naturally?

SCO: Naturally.

Reporter: So I pick up the phone and I talk to Naturally.

SCO: No you don't, you talk to Who.

Reporter: Naturally.

SCO: That's different.

Reporter: That's what I said.

SCO: You're not saying it...

Reporter: I talk to Naturally.

SCO: You talk to Who.

Reporter: Naturally.

SCO: That's it.

Reporter: That's what I said!

SCO: You ask me.

Reporter: I talk to who?

SCO: Naturally.

Reporter: Now you ask me.

SCO: You talk to Who?

Reporter: Naturally.

SCO: That's it.

Reporter: Same as you! Same as YOU! I pick up the phone and talk to who. Whoever it is forwards me to the second company. Who picks up the phone and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don’t Know. I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple threat. Another company comes along and hits your lawsuit right out of court. Why? I don’t know! He’s on third and I don’t give a darn!

SCO: What?

Reporter: I said I don't give a darn!

SCO: Oh, that's our eighth.

__________________

With thanks to Abbott and Costello.

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